After making more disparaging comments about Sam’s wife — this time likening her to «a walking megaphone» — the pair get down to business orchestrating their wife-swap while holding hands and cuddling on the couch.
«I think we could get along really well,» Ines says.
«[We] are obviously sexually attracted to each other and it makes it difficult to hold back on that,» Sam says.
«I want to kiss you,» Ines says, before asking, «Can I send you nudes?» (Because that’s a natural progression.)
Taking from the Davina and Dean wife-swap handbook, they plan to catch up again at the dinner party, which was definitely not the idea of a scheming producer looking to ramp up the ratings.
But will Ines get her comeuppance when Sam goes M.I.A. again (another funeral, maybe?), as shown in the preview for Wednesday night’s episode?
Waiting up for Sam when he eventually gets home is Elizabeth. He tells her he’s been talking on the phone to his mother (he needs to wash his mouth out with soap) and she plants a big kiss on him, much to his dismay.
Earlier in the episode, Elizabeth had felt like she and Sam were making progress in the marriage after she threw a candle-lit picnic for him inside their apartment, complete with chocolate-covered strawberries. Sadly for Elizabeth, since Sam doesn’t feel a connection he spent most of the time feeding her strawberries in an attempt to stem the conversation and thwart her kisses.
Away from the Ines-Bronson-Sam-Elizabeth debacle, Lauren has decided to open up to her husband Matt about her sexual needs, after revealing the night before that she «used to be a lesbian».
«I want someone who can’t take their hands off me,» Lauren says.
«I just want someone to rip my clothes off and I’m not getting any of that … How would you feel if I was into swinging, threesomes? I am a very sexually open person.»
Matt, who just lost his virginity to Lauren a few days before at the age of 29, feels overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the direction the conversation is headed, and his face says as much.
«Her sexual appetite might be too much for me,» Matt says to the camera later.
«I just want to unleash the beast,» Lauren tells Matt. His response? «I don’t know if that’s me.»
Sex is a hot topic for Jules and Cameron too, who have finally taken their relationship to that stage after a romantic night in drinking champagne and watching … cricket.
«It was passionate, pleasurable and there were fireworks,» Cameron says of their night together.
Temperatures also rise between Mike and Heidi, when she requests a massage and he is more than
happy to oblige.
Over at Jess and Mick’s place relations are more tepid — he gets a silly haircut to make her laugh — while things are stone cold at Ning and Mark’s after they have a bust-up at the gym when she fails to take his personal training seriously.
The latter couple have yet to take intimacy levels beyond cuddling, with Ning explaining it up neatly for the cameras.
«It’s not all about the sex,» she says.
«I know my self-worth, that’s why I am really private with my privates.»
Amy Croffey is an entertainment reporter at The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age